Grief - You aren't doing it right

Grief - You aren't doing it right

Grief - You aren't doing it right

It's not always easy to run a page that touches on grief and loss. As is the case with anyone walking the grief journey, I'm damed if I do and I'm damed if I don't. One of the cruel ironies of loss is that everyone has an opinion on how it should be done and how you should react to your life changing circumstances. 

Loss is a deeply personal and complicated journey we all take in this life, and when a partner is lost so is the future a couple built over the weeks, months, years, and even decades of their togetherness. It's an identity stealer, and the survivor is left trying to figure out what life is without their partner, without 1/2 of their identity, without the future they planned. Regardless of your loss, I can assure you that you are going to upset someone in your life by the way you grieve. For someone, who walks outside the realm of YOUR identity, you won't do it right, and you will let them down

Here is one thing I've learned in my journey - it's their problem and it's not your problem. 

When you walk this journey and try to please everyone not on your path, you waste energy you desperately need for your survival. We all know that there is no right or wrong way to live beyond loss, there is only cold numbness followed by sharp pain and deafening loneliness, and endless nights of hoping you wake from the nightmare that has become of your life. Until you've buried someone who means everything to you in this world, you can't fathom the emptiness that follows and the time it takes healing to occur. 

So if you are walking the grief journey today be forgiving of yourself and your timeframe, and turn off the noises around you that tell you they offer a better way, a cleaner path, or a quick fix for a broken heart. The only path that works is the path you are on. It will be bumpy, rugged, circular at times, and unforgiving, but it's your path, and eventually it will lead you where you need to go. Allow those who don't understand to stay or go and wish them well on their own journey. It seems nobody gets out of this life without walking the grief path, and when their day comes they will learn what a mountain of grief can look like and why sometimes the best lifeline one can offer is unconditional love and moments of quiet shelter from the storm.