Some of the things I feel when I am depressed; for me, i take the power out when I write them down or say them... gets them out of my head... I need them out of my head
I'm just too tired to be strong anymore, I need someone to be strong for me for once.. I wonder if I will ever be someone's #1 priority instead of being last.
you used to be the reason i smiled, & now your the reason i don't.
wonders how much more she has to go thru before things will finally change..
I walk around with a smile on my face, but underneath is the lonely tears that only come out at night after everyone goes to sleep...Praying things get better!
-I cant find the words to express how i feel, so when someone asks are you okay i just say yes because they wouldn't understand.
Just when the wounds are almost healed, somebody comes along and tears them wide open again, forcing you to feel the pain again
People say "Everything happens for a reason." What was this reason? I really wish someone could tell me.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Depression
Bipolar disorder or manic-depressive disorder, also referred to as bipolar affective disorder or manic depression, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes. The elevated moods are clinically referred to as mania or, if milder, hypomania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes, or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time.[2] These episodes are usually separated by periods of "normal" mood; but, in some individuals, depression and mania may rapidly alternate, which is known as rapid cycling. Extreme manic episodes can sometimes lead to such psychotic symptoms as delusions and hallucinations. The disorder has been subdivided into bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothymia, and other types, based on the nature and severity of mood episodes experienced; the range is often described as the bipolar spectrum.
Data from the United States on lifetime prevalence varies; but it indicates a rate of around 1% for bipolar I, 0.5%–1% for bipolar II or cyclothymia, and 2%–5% for subthreshold cases meeting some, but not all, criteria.[citation needed] The onset of full symptoms generally occurs in late adolescence or young adulthood. Diagnosis is based on the person's self-reported experiences, as well as observed behavior. Episodes of abnormality are associated with distress and disruption and an elevated risk of suicide, especially during depressive episodes. In some cases, it can be a devastating long-lasting disorder. In others, it has also been associated with creativity, goal striving, and positive achievements. There is significant evidence to suggest that many people with creative talents have also suffered from some form of bipolar disorder.[3]
Genetic factors contribute substantially to the likelihood of developing bipolar disorder, and environmental factors are also implicated. Bipolar disorder is often treated with mood stabilizing medications and, sometimes, other psychiatric drugs. Psychotherapy also has a role, often when there has been some recovery of the subject's stability. In serious cases, in which there is a risk of harm to oneself or others, involuntary commitment may be used. These cases generally involve severe manic episodes with dangerous behavior or depressive episodes with suicidal ideation. There are widespread problems with social stigma, stereotypes, and prejudice against individuals with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.[4] People with bipolar disorder exhibiting psychotic symptoms can sometimes be misdiagnosed as having schizophrenia, another serious mental illness.[5]
The current term "bipolar disorder" is of fairly recent origin and refers to the cycling between high and low episodes (poles). A relationship between mania and melancholia had long been observed, although the basis of the current conceptualisation can be traced back to French psychiatrists in the 1850s. The term "manic-depressive illness" or psychosis was coined by German psychiatrist Emil Kraepelin in the late nineteenth century, originally referring to all kinds of mood disorder. German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard split the classification again in 1957, employing the terms unipolar disorder (major depressive disorder) and bipolar disorder.
This is one of my "secrets"... and my program teaches me that secrets keep me sick. So, I am writing it here. I fully expect to loose "friends" due to this blog. Every single time I talk about my depression, that is what happens.
Maybe I am writing it to push people away. #Ratbastard walked away after promising never ever to use this against me and to never leave. I don't know which of us is the bigger ass hole; him for making the promise or me for believing it.
I have a doctors appointment on April 18th... I have not seen a doctor or been on meds for over 2 years. I have NEVER been diagnosed with being bi polar; by a psychiatrist. It was my physician and I have been told I am not.... everyone is a doctor these days.
I am running on fear... fuck everything and run~ false evidence appearing real... both at the moment.
I am all over the place and I hate it.
Data from the United States on lifetime prevalence varies; but it indicates a rate of around 1% for bipolar I, 0.5%–1% for bipolar II or cyclothymia, and 2%–5% for subthreshold cases meeting some, but not all, criteria.[citation needed] The onset of full symptoms generally occurs in late adolescence or young adulthood. Diagnosis is based on the person's self-reported experiences, as well as observed behavior. Episodes of abnormality are associated with distress and disruption and an elevated risk of suicide, especially during depressive episodes. In some cases, it can be a devastating long-lasting disorder. In others, it has also been associated with creativity, goal striving, and positive achievements. There is significant evidence to suggest that many people with creative talents have also suffered from some form of bipolar disorder.[3]
Genetic factors contribute substantially to the likelihood of developing bipolar disorder, and environmental factors are also implicated. Bipolar disorder is often treated with mood stabilizing medications and, sometimes, other psychiatric drugs. Psychotherapy also has a role, often when there has been some recovery of the subject's stability. In serious cases, in which there is a risk of harm to oneself or others, involuntary commitment may be used. These cases generally involve severe manic episodes with dangerous behavior or depressive episodes with suicidal ideation. There are widespread problems with social stigma, stereotypes, and prejudice against individuals with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.[4] People with bipolar disorder exhibiting psychotic symptoms can sometimes be misdiagnosed as having schizophrenia, another serious mental illness.[5]
The current term "bipolar disorder" is of fairly recent origin and refers to the cycling between high and low episodes (poles). A relationship between mania and melancholia had long been observed, although the basis of the current conceptualisation can be traced back to French psychiatrists in the 1850s. The term "manic-depressive illness" or psychosis was coined by German psychiatrist Emil Kraepelin in the late nineteenth century, originally referring to all kinds of mood disorder. German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard split the classification again in 1957, employing the terms unipolar disorder (major depressive disorder) and bipolar disorder.
This is one of my "secrets"... and my program teaches me that secrets keep me sick. So, I am writing it here. I fully expect to loose "friends" due to this blog. Every single time I talk about my depression, that is what happens.
Maybe I am writing it to push people away. #Ratbastard walked away after promising never ever to use this against me and to never leave. I don't know which of us is the bigger ass hole; him for making the promise or me for believing it.
I have a doctors appointment on April 18th... I have not seen a doctor or been on meds for over 2 years. I have NEVER been diagnosed with being bi polar; by a psychiatrist. It was my physician and I have been told I am not.... everyone is a doctor these days.
I am running on fear... fuck everything and run~ false evidence appearing real... both at the moment.
I am all over the place and I hate it.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
YES, damn it I am a Co-Dependent!
What is codependency? What's the definition?
There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today. The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser. A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions.
However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving developed during childhood by family rules.
One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of *maladaptive, *compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing *great emotional pain and stress.
•*maladaptive - inability for a person to develop behaviors which get needs met.
•*compulsive - psychological state where a person acts against their own will or conscious desires in which to behave.
•*sources of great emotional pain and stress - chemical dependency; chronic mental illness; chronic physical illness; physical abuse; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; divorce; hypercritical or non-loving environment.
As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in "toxic relationships", in other words with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment.
Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they're not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can't get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship.
There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today. The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser. A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions.
However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving developed during childhood by family rules.
One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of *maladaptive, *compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing *great emotional pain and stress.
•*maladaptive - inability for a person to develop behaviors which get needs met.
•*compulsive - psychological state where a person acts against their own will or conscious desires in which to behave.
•*sources of great emotional pain and stress - chemical dependency; chronic mental illness; chronic physical illness; physical abuse; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; divorce; hypercritical or non-loving environment.
As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in "toxic relationships", in other words with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment.
Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they're not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can't get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship.
Is this you?
Twitter is such an amazing "tool" sometimes. I have made some very very good friends...
I have also pissed some people off and that is okay. I dont have to "wear there issues" so to speak. But the anonymous questions and intentional hurtful jabs at me... they get to me sometimes.. It is most definetly my fault for allowing all of my pages to be open. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE. As a result; I got the following blog emailed to me with the question... was this written about you?
I wish I could say yes. Did you miss the part about her being a supportive friend and that she is loved by the writer? What you intended to hurt me with ... was really very nice. Yes I am fat. Do you know why? Do you care? Have you asked about the health issues I have that keep me this way?
I Have A Big Fat Friend
One of my best friends is fat. She's really fat. I cannot guess her weight but I know that she cannot buy anything in the mall or standard women's sizing. She’s “point and laugh fat.” She was and is one of the most supportive people to me through all of my illnesses and through my divorce. We’ve been friends for a really long time. Decades.
Her life has been a constant battle of not having as many friends or lovers BECAUSE of her weight. She's very highly educated, smart, creative, and a genuinely good person. She takes good care of her animals and from her photographs I can tell that she's been a very fat person since she was a very little girl.
She's the kind of fat that gets stared at when we walk into stores. But when I hang out with her, all I see is HER. I don't NOTICE her weight because I LOVE HER. But she notices people staring at her and when she points it out I look and I see it too. People mock, they make fat faces, and yes - they are completely cruel.
As a "norm breaking project" once, one of my students once made a video with her boyfriend. In it her straight gender-norm boyfriend dressed as a woman to show the responses people give to people who are DIFFERENT in our society. They had three friends at the mall use professional cameras from the school’s AV equipment and show faces and responses far away. No one knew they were being recorded.
He did nothing but walk to an Orange Julius, buy a drink the way anyone would, bring it out of his "purse" and pay for it. He then sat down and drank it in the mall the way he would anytime. He did nothing, “swishy” or silly or odd. In fact, he was very masculine behaving because he wasn’t actually FEELING like a woman he was just dressed as one.
The camera showed people mocking, staring, laughing. People came up behind him and laughed and pointed. It was STUNNING. Everytime a professor, doctor, nurse, teacher, coach, or "professional" does the same to ANYONE who is different they are essentially reproducing hatred back into our cultural fabric. Refusing to treat trans, or mocking fatties, all of it – ALL OF IT is further justifying bullying, hazing, and all forms of injustice and inequalities at "difference."
As for my fat friend, there has never been a time when I was with her that she wasn't giving back to people in such a lovely way with phone calls, genuine love, and kindness. Her body is weird. The way her mother and father treated her (as the embarrassing fattie of the family) an outsider and all of society has sends a very clear message that this woman with two Master's degrees that she is WORTHLESS and should be mocked and hurt for her difference.
It doesn't matter how much good she has done for me or the world. It doesn't matter even if she saved the world from disaster, I'm sure people would still line up to mock her and cameras would catch it.
I have also pissed some people off and that is okay. I dont have to "wear there issues" so to speak. But the anonymous questions and intentional hurtful jabs at me... they get to me sometimes.. It is most definetly my fault for allowing all of my pages to be open. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE. As a result; I got the following blog emailed to me with the question... was this written about you?
I wish I could say yes. Did you miss the part about her being a supportive friend and that she is loved by the writer? What you intended to hurt me with ... was really very nice. Yes I am fat. Do you know why? Do you care? Have you asked about the health issues I have that keep me this way?
I Have A Big Fat Friend
One of my best friends is fat. She's really fat. I cannot guess her weight but I know that she cannot buy anything in the mall or standard women's sizing. She’s “point and laugh fat.” She was and is one of the most supportive people to me through all of my illnesses and through my divorce. We’ve been friends for a really long time. Decades.
Her life has been a constant battle of not having as many friends or lovers BECAUSE of her weight. She's very highly educated, smart, creative, and a genuinely good person. She takes good care of her animals and from her photographs I can tell that she's been a very fat person since she was a very little girl.
She's the kind of fat that gets stared at when we walk into stores. But when I hang out with her, all I see is HER. I don't NOTICE her weight because I LOVE HER. But she notices people staring at her and when she points it out I look and I see it too. People mock, they make fat faces, and yes - they are completely cruel.
As a "norm breaking project" once, one of my students once made a video with her boyfriend. In it her straight gender-norm boyfriend dressed as a woman to show the responses people give to people who are DIFFERENT in our society. They had three friends at the mall use professional cameras from the school’s AV equipment and show faces and responses far away. No one knew they were being recorded.
He did nothing but walk to an Orange Julius, buy a drink the way anyone would, bring it out of his "purse" and pay for it. He then sat down and drank it in the mall the way he would anytime. He did nothing, “swishy” or silly or odd. In fact, he was very masculine behaving because he wasn’t actually FEELING like a woman he was just dressed as one.
The camera showed people mocking, staring, laughing. People came up behind him and laughed and pointed. It was STUNNING. Everytime a professor, doctor, nurse, teacher, coach, or "professional" does the same to ANYONE who is different they are essentially reproducing hatred back into our cultural fabric. Refusing to treat trans, or mocking fatties, all of it – ALL OF IT is further justifying bullying, hazing, and all forms of injustice and inequalities at "difference."
As for my fat friend, there has never been a time when I was with her that she wasn't giving back to people in such a lovely way with phone calls, genuine love, and kindness. Her body is weird. The way her mother and father treated her (as the embarrassing fattie of the family) an outsider and all of society has sends a very clear message that this woman with two Master's degrees that she is WORTHLESS and should be mocked and hurt for her difference.
It doesn't matter how much good she has done for me or the world. It doesn't matter even if she saved the world from disaster, I'm sure people would still line up to mock her and cameras would catch it.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
YES I Am a BITCH
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts, or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch entails raising my children to be strong people who have a solid sense of personal and social responsibility, who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in and who love and respect themselves for the beautiful beings they are.
Being a bitch means that I am free to be the wonderful creature that I am, with all my own intricacies, contradictions, quirks and beauty.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. I am proud to be a bitch! It means I have the courage & strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated, and determined. By God, I want what I want, and there is nothing wrong with that!
So, try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And, if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts, or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch entails raising my children to be strong people who have a solid sense of personal and social responsibility, who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in and who love and respect themselves for the beautiful beings they are.
Being a bitch means that I am free to be the wonderful creature that I am, with all my own intricacies, contradictions, quirks and beauty.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. I am proud to be a bitch! It means I have the courage & strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated, and determined. By God, I want what I want, and there is nothing wrong with that!
So, try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And, if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Victim vs. Volunteer
The dictionary on line has these definitions
Victim : –noun
1. a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency: a victim of an automobile accident.
2. a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency: a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion.
Volunteer –noun
1. a person who voluntarily offers himself or herself for a service or undertaking.
2. a person who performs a service willingly and without pay.
I REFUSE to be a victim. EVER again. The day my first husband kidnapped; tortured; raped; sodimized; beat; and attempted to kill me.... that day changed me forever.
But am I leaning to hard the other way? What is the middle ground? I am not a victim but am i truly volunteering for all of my distruction?
This is my current battle....
Victim : –noun
1. a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency: a victim of an automobile accident.
2. a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency: a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion.
Volunteer –noun
1. a person who voluntarily offers himself or herself for a service or undertaking.
2. a person who performs a service willingly and without pay.
I REFUSE to be a victim. EVER again. The day my first husband kidnapped; tortured; raped; sodimized; beat; and attempted to kill me.... that day changed me forever.
But am I leaning to hard the other way? What is the middle ground? I am not a victim but am i truly volunteering for all of my distruction?
This is my current battle....
Am I expendable to you?
I was good enough to help you through the rough spots, I was always there when you needed a friend...so now that your life is better, am I not worth your time?
While doing my daily status shuffel thing this morning... I came across this. There are so many people I want to say this to. I am tired of feeling as if I am expendable.
While doing my daily status shuffel thing this morning... I came across this. There are so many people I want to say this to. I am tired of feeling as if I am expendable.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Barganing for my life
"i will go to rehab and enter recovery if..."
how many times have we said this? since coming into recovery how many times have we heard others use this excuse? "ifs" are dangerous, manipulative and never work. when you use an "if" you are already placing conditions on your recovery before you even begin. "if" is an excuse, a safety blanket, a bargaining chip many of us used. does it work? almost never and if you do have success using an "if" then when and where is the next "if" coming from? we will get used to placing conditions on our recovery if we are allowed to do so the very first time we come in. there are too many friends and family members, loved ones, out there that are so desperate for some kind of releif for heir addicted that they are willing to accept these conditions we present and they shouldnt. if you have even seen any of the intervention type shows on cable you see these "ifs" being used all the time. sure they show that many of these addicts have success but what they dont show is the failures these same addicts eventually have because their conditions arent being met.
what happens? when we place any condition on our recovery we have already weakened it. what happens if that condition doesnt happen like we want? many of us say "fuck it" and go right back out. we feel either betrayed or shorted and for us thats a good enough reason to give up on recovery. but say our first condition is met. say the wifey stays like we demanded when we entered rehab. we will almost assuredly start making more demands and use our recovery as a weapon to get what we want. "if you dont do 'x' ill relapse..." WE DO THIS. what i tell the concerned people is this... let them relapse. they would have eventually anyway. you cant allow us to use our recovery as a bargaining chip or as a weapon to get what we want. we will run with that shit. then we are doing no work to maintain our recovery because we keep getting what we want anyway. relapse is inevitable anyway. allow us any kind of control and we do more damage before that relapse happens...
when you give us addicts the power to make conditions and bargain with our recovery then you have given up on that addict. sure many of the concerned people want us clean and in their lives but they cant do this with conditions. you cant allow us addicts to have that kind of power and control. anything we place before our recovery we will eventually lose anyway."ifs" are no good, even at the beginning of our journey. if we are allowed to get away wth them then we will keep using them as an excuse and a weapon to get what we want when all along we should be getting what we need instead.
.
how many times have we said this? since coming into recovery how many times have we heard others use this excuse? "ifs" are dangerous, manipulative and never work. when you use an "if" you are already placing conditions on your recovery before you even begin. "if" is an excuse, a safety blanket, a bargaining chip many of us used. does it work? almost never and if you do have success using an "if" then when and where is the next "if" coming from? we will get used to placing conditions on our recovery if we are allowed to do so the very first time we come in. there are too many friends and family members, loved ones, out there that are so desperate for some kind of releif for heir addicted that they are willing to accept these conditions we present and they shouldnt. if you have even seen any of the intervention type shows on cable you see these "ifs" being used all the time. sure they show that many of these addicts have success but what they dont show is the failures these same addicts eventually have because their conditions arent being met.
what happens? when we place any condition on our recovery we have already weakened it. what happens if that condition doesnt happen like we want? many of us say "fuck it" and go right back out. we feel either betrayed or shorted and for us thats a good enough reason to give up on recovery. but say our first condition is met. say the wifey stays like we demanded when we entered rehab. we will almost assuredly start making more demands and use our recovery as a weapon to get what we want. "if you dont do 'x' ill relapse..." WE DO THIS. what i tell the concerned people is this... let them relapse. they would have eventually anyway. you cant allow us to use our recovery as a bargaining chip or as a weapon to get what we want. we will run with that shit. then we are doing no work to maintain our recovery because we keep getting what we want anyway. relapse is inevitable anyway. allow us any kind of control and we do more damage before that relapse happens...
when you give us addicts the power to make conditions and bargain with our recovery then you have given up on that addict. sure many of the concerned people want us clean and in their lives but they cant do this with conditions. you cant allow us addicts to have that kind of power and control. anything we place before our recovery we will eventually lose anyway."ifs" are no good, even at the beginning of our journey. if we are allowed to get away wth them then we will keep using them as an excuse and a weapon to get what we want when all along we should be getting what we need instead.
.
Twas the night before Christmas with a twist
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the pad,
There was nada happenin’, now thats pretty bad.
The woodstove was hung up in that stocking routine,
In hopes that the Fat Boy would soon make the scene.
With our stomachs packed with tacos and beer,
My girl and I crashed on the couch for some cheer.
When out in the yard there arose such a racket,
I ran for the door and pulled on my jacket.
I saw a large bro’ on a ’56 Pan
Wearin’ black leathers, a cap, and boots (cool biker, man).
He hauled up the bars on that bikeful of sacks,
And that Pan hit the roof like it was running on tracks.
I couldn’t help gawking, the old guy had class.
But I had to go in — I was freezing my ass.
Down through the stovepipe he fell with a crash,
And out of the stove he came dragging his stash.
With a smile and some glee he passed out the loot,
A new jacket for her and some parts for my scoot.
He patted her fanny and shook my right hand,
Spun on his heel and up the stovepipe he ran.
From up on the roof came a great deal of thunder,
As that massive V-twin ripped the silence asunder.
With beard in the wind, he roared off in the night,
Shouting, “Have a cool Yule, and to all a good ride!”
There was nada happenin’, now thats pretty bad.
The woodstove was hung up in that stocking routine,
In hopes that the Fat Boy would soon make the scene.
With our stomachs packed with tacos and beer,
My girl and I crashed on the couch for some cheer.
When out in the yard there arose such a racket,
I ran for the door and pulled on my jacket.
I saw a large bro’ on a ’56 Pan
Wearin’ black leathers, a cap, and boots (cool biker, man).
He hauled up the bars on that bikeful of sacks,
And that Pan hit the roof like it was running on tracks.
I couldn’t help gawking, the old guy had class.
But I had to go in — I was freezing my ass.
Down through the stovepipe he fell with a crash,
And out of the stove he came dragging his stash.
With a smile and some glee he passed out the loot,
A new jacket for her and some parts for my scoot.
He patted her fanny and shook my right hand,
Spun on his heel and up the stovepipe he ran.
From up on the roof came a great deal of thunder,
As that massive V-twin ripped the silence asunder.
With beard in the wind, he roared off in the night,
Shouting, “Have a cool Yule, and to all a good ride!”
Resentment Prayer
Please help me show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Help me to see that, this is a sick person. Show me how can I be helpful. Save me from being angry.
Help me to avoid retaliation or argument. I know I cannot be helpful to all people, but at least show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. Your will be done.
Help me to avoid retaliation or argument. I know I cannot be helpful to all people, but at least show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. Your will be done.
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